Life is calling...... Where are you??????

I was seriously ill last week and was confined to my bed for the better part of 5 days with nothing but my delusions, hallucinations, medication and the occasional cigarette. After a really long time I was revisited the pleasure of lying helpless in bed nurturing different doomsday scenarios and the probability of each one occurring. (Well personally I think God is going to give us a long and hard end considering what we have done with the planet and let us save this discussion for another day.)

These thoughts invariably lead me to dwell on my own mortal existence and that absolutely terrifies me. I am not necessarily worried about my life coming to end but it is the thought of what I am going to leave behind that is rather worrisome. When I reflect on my life so far I can’t single out one noble cause that I have dedicated myself to with the exception of satisfying my own needs and urges, which is far from being classified as a noble cause universally.

Well, realizing that I have led a very primal life so far is one thing but to chart a meaningful path for the remainder of my life is proving a far more daunting task than I thought. Over the last 3 -4 years I have been trying to identify how I am going to affect the world and sadly, for me, I haven’t been able to come up with anything concrete. The way things seem; I am going to be in the same predicament after another 10 – 15 years and will be in the same clueless and frustrated state. I can’t bring myself to believe that my calling in life is to get married and have children and so they can eventually get married and have children and that happiness comes from sacrificing for the sake of children. This is just a responsibility in life that I will fulfill and according to me this cannot classify as a calling.

Imagine a world where everyone lived to fulfill only their responsibilities. It would have truly been a bland and tasteless world for there would be no artists, no poets, no musicians, no authors, no great statesmen, no dreamers, no thinkers, no change. Please don’t get me wrong here, there is absolutely nothing wrong in centering one’s life around trying to provide the best for one’s progeny, I am just saying that I can’t see myself falling in that slot. The part that really depresses me is that with each passing day I seem to be moving closer to being that person.

It is incredible the void this question has created in my life and it scares me that I may never be able to answer this question and I will eventually die without ever knowing what the purpose of my existence was. I often imagine if there is actually a purpose to anyone’s life. What if we are not here as part of a bigger plan? What if we are no better than the animal that seeks to survive and spread its gene pool? What if the rest of my life is a series of interconnected meaningless accidents? What if I become a contented old fool who will look at this literature someday and wonder how I could have been so stupid? What if I become a blind conformist and love the flow? What if I find my calling ?

If any of you have managed to figure out your calling and if you would like to share it, I would love to hear about it. I also would like any tips that would help me figure out how I should try and shape the rest of my earthly existence.

Mumbai Terror Attacks

It is indeed sad that my first blog is about something very sad, ugly and highly effective. I have to write about it as it is troubling my mind and has had me thinking about more questions than I can answer in a lifetime.

I woke up this morning to the unpleasant news of the terror attacks in Mumbai. At the moment there are more than a 100 people dead and close to 600 people wounded and there are two hostage situations that the cops are trying to resolve. I’ve stopped following the news to see what portion of my daily chores I can accomplish before going back to the television but I just can’t seem to get the incident out of my head.

Sitting in front of my computer I can’t help but reflect on the day’s happenings as I digest all I have viewed over the last hour or so about the crisis that is still unfolding in our financial capital. The flood of thoughts and emotions going through my mind at the moment are simply enormous. I am going to pen down a few thoughts as they come to me so I apologize, in advance, for any lack of flow in this piece.

For the benefit of those who may be reading this without being aware of what I am talking about, November26 and 27, 2008 witnessed a terrorist attack on Mumbai. A largely unknown group who call themselves the Deccan Mujahideen and they have orchestrated one of the bloodiest terror attacks witnessed by India the effects of which, in my opinion, are going to be felt for a long time to come. My only hope is that the political leaders do not manipulate this incident to gain political mileage.

I tried to get some information about the Deccan Mujahideen on the internet which proved futile. So I am going to assume they are somehow linked to the better known Indian Mujahideen who are one of the more dangerous terror groups in India.

What bothers me is that how a group, whose name is not even known, has carried out such a large scale attack without being detected. Who is funding these guys for this extremely expensive operation? How have they managed to keep this under wraps for this long?

An operation of this scale, seven attacks simultaneously with overwhelming fire power and with about 4 -5 people in each location must have taken at least 3 -4 months in preparation. More importantly, I am wondering how they managed to recruit people for this operation as it seems like a suicide mission. What did they think they were achieving by this terror attack? What motivated them to lay down their lives leaving behind families that will be tormented for life, should they ever be traced?

I can only imagine the mastermind behind this is either supremely intelligent to conceal the actual plot till the day of its execution or is a shrewd recruiter with exceptional motivational skills or a mixture of both. How is our government going to trace him and how are they going to try and stop him from executing further such terror attacks? How do we remove this partisan thinking? How do we stop further recruitments and further creation of such mindless terror outfits?

Being an Indian, one of the aspects that I’ve always prided myself with was the incredible tolerance of the average Indian. Personally I have visited temples of over 5 religious faiths and have more than 10 very good friends of every faith. I am certain that this is the case with most Indians, at the case with most Indians who have grown up and live in any of the major cities. Why are we losing this cultural dependence we have on each other? Are we going to be happy with a country that is extremely polar? It saddens me to see the rise of organizations that promote extremist views to religion in every major faith. When are we going to see the end of all this and return to living harmoniously?

There are a few questions I have for us, the general peace loving public. Where are we, as a society, going wrong? What acts of ours are helping these terror recruiters prey on people and motivate them to carry out such sinister attacks? Is the economic disparity leading to this or is it our handling of the Kashmir or any other issue? Are the minorities in our country made to feel unsafe? When are we going to speak out to promote brotherhood and condemn the politicians and the media that continues to sensationalize events like this one? How long are we going to treat this merely as a topic of conversation? Are we going to wait to act until the day it actually affects someone close to us? What action can we possibly take even if we wanted to do something about this situation?

We are the ones who taught the world the insurmountable power of non violence. Have we forgotten the very lessons that made us, us? I invite all those who read this to post your comment, however radical. I may not agree with you but I am still interested in seeing the world through your eyes. Please feel free to share any feedback you might have.

I again apologize for the lack of flow in this blog and I leave you guys with the lyrics of a Bob Dylan song that seems most apt for this moment. Just one last thought:

How are you going to change this world?

Blownin In The Wind by Bob Dylan

How many roads must a man walk down

Before you call him a man?

Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail

Before she sleeps in the sand?

Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly

Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend,

is blowin' in the wind,

The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up

Before he can see the sky?

Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have

Before he can hear people cry?

Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows

That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend,

is blowin' in the wind,

The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist

Before it's washed to the sea?

Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist

Before they're allowed to be free?

Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,

Pretending he just doesn't see?

The answer, my friend,

is blowin' in the wind,

The answer is blowin' in the wind